Summer Finally

After some terrible weather, summer seems to have finally found us....yay!

A couple quick shots of Sarah rockin' her Mama's sun hat, while enjoying dipping her feet in the kiddie pool
...

After Effects

It seems like a lifetime ago that I could sit down several times a week, often daily, and write here, on my blog. I started writing this blog because I love to write, love to share, love to connect.

 

Now it seems I can't hold a sentence together, let alone a paragraph or an article or story relating to a particular subject. Now, it seems there is an empty space in my brain where thoughts once were found. No kidding, that's how I genuinely feel on most days.

 

I was told, before I had children, that during pregnancy memory loss would be substantial, clumsiness of speech a common occurrence, confusion a "normal symptom". What I wasn't prepared for was the inability to communicate effectively, the abrupt stop mid-sentence because I absolutely could not think of that word. That word could be as simple as "simple". And I, much to my dismay, would try to explain to the listener, "You know, that word meaning not difficult...." and they would say, "Oh do you mean "easy"?" and I would respond, "Well, "easy" wasn't exactly what I was originally thinking but it's all the same I guess."

 

I was never good at punctuation. But this. This is a bit of a fiasco. I'm imagining I'm like that old drug-free commercial with the "this is your brain on drugs" eggs in a frying pan. Remember the one? It's a good thing I've never smoked, taken, or otherwise "done" any sort of illicit drug in my life. I'd really be in trouble!

 

I find I am quite upset at my hormones over this lack. I find it embarassing and saddening and positively aggravating (it just took me a while to come up with "aggravating", just short of thesaurus.com - which has become my best friend - for assistance). I've prided myself in my ability to be reasonably intellectual, reasonably able to hold a satisfying conversation. I started public speaking in grade school. I won awards. Pregnancy took me out in 9 months flat. Pregnancy #2 gave me a double dose of dumbness. See? I just used "dumbness" which I'm fairly certain isn't even a word!

 

So, will I get my groove back? I am told "probably not" by other moms who suffer the same affliction. I have not yet comes to terms with that prognosis, even now as I remember my daily journal often consists of point form rather than real sentences:

• Weather was nice today. 20 degrees. Went for a walk with kidlets.
• Charlotte has tooth #5
• Sarah emptied half a bottle of dish soap in the sink.

How do journalists/columnists/authors get through this extreme writers block? Obviously some have children. Is everyone jacked up on Ginkgo Biloba and Rosemary?

 

Are you a Mama who couldn't think straight if your life depended on it? Enlighten me...

Fall to Pieces

Over there -----> if you scroll down, you'll see a "Bring the Rain" button, a link to Angie Smith's blog. I love Angie's blog.

While Charlotte was having her nap, I was catching up and reading this post about Sweet Baby James.

I went on over to the "Jamesie beats the tumor" blog. And then I fell to pieces. Heart-wrenching, tears falling down my face, falling completely apart into a puddle of nose-running sobs.

As I was watching the video taken just a few days ago on little James' final photo/video shoot, I heard Charlotte crying out. Awake from her nap. I scurried down the hall, tears still flowing down my cheeks, reached down and scooped her up out of her crib, and hugged her so tightly. She didn't wiggle free, just let me fiercely hold on for a few blissful baby-mommy moments. And I cried some more. And I thanked God.

One thing that struck me, as I was reading about James, was his mom stating, as she was posting pictures, that she has only a finite number of photos to post - one day she will run out of photos. That simply broke my heart. Even though I don't know this family, I cried again for the loss - this Mommy will not see her baby crawl across the floor, pull everything out of the cupboards, and scream his little head off with delight.

And I talked to God about how I was so undeserving of such treasures as are found in children, but how thankful I am just the same. So, please join with me in keeping this family in your prayers as life has now dealt them a blow I cannot even fathom being able to survive through.

Miss Charlotte and her "Pinker" bear (she has discovered an obvious solution to carry bear around while using both hands to crawl - she puts it in her mouth!)

The City Harmonic

I seriously love music videos. Always have. I'm fascinated by the telling of an entire story in such a short amount of time. A music video is like seeing a movie in 3 minutes, 46 seconds (Well, this one is 4:25 but you catch my drift). To me, a video is to a movie as a postage stamp is to art. Tiny. Effective. Brilliant.

In the last few months, I've had to change my listening somewhat. Sarah is very musical. She picks up on everything. She has been able to hum a melody in tune for as long as I remember. She now recites lyrics from out of nowhere. I must be very careful. I love me some Lady GaGa as much as the next person but I'm needing to be extra cautious of what my children are hearing. Everything is so...so out-there! I never had to think of that before. Just listened. Enjoyed. Sang along. But I'm not so keen on hearing Avril Lavigne's "oh-o-o-o-o I'm thinking what the hell..." from my 4 year old.

So, with Sirius satellite, I've been able to tune in to "The Message" - a Christian radio station out of Michigan. It's a blessing. I'd prefer to have my child sing about God and love and family.

And let me tell you, Christian music isn't like it used to be. It's not just Sandi Patti and Michael W. Smith and hearing "Old Time Religion" on your Dad's old 8-track. It's praise, it's uplifting, it's happy. You can dance to it sometimes. Gasp! Don't let anyone know the Bible says there's "a time to dance".

Anyways, here's a fav of mine. Love it. "Manifesto" by The City Harmonic".

Trash the Dress

If you follow Christa Hann photography then you know:

Bobbi-Ann did it.
Stephanie did it.
Jody did it.

Christa even did it herself.
Except it was difficult for Christa to photograph herself so she enlisted Angie White Photography.

I loved the idea of getting one more chance to wear my wedding dress, even if it meant "trashing" it.
So when I suggested I take my dress along to the Dominican on our vacation, Christa said, something along the lines of, "Yay! Yes!"
I love how enthusiastic she is about taking pictures of me instead of being bored at looking at the same face over and over again but it's her fault I keep coming back, of course.

And then I'm thinking, "Oh Dear Lord, what have I done? I can't fit into that dress now!"
But, with some help and much sucking in, ribs cracking, boobs being stuffed back in, phew, it zipped up!

I'm very pleased with the results of my shoot and can't possibly choose my favs. But here's a few anyways.
Please excuse me as I shamelessly take every opportunity to show myself looking "put together" - I spend most of my days dressed in yoga pants, no makeup, hair in ponytail.

And then getting out of that dress with sand stuck in the zipper!!
Well, let's just say that was an adventure that started with three Germans on the beach and ended with Christa and I in the shower. I'll leave you with that. ;)
Thanks for looking.