Christa and I went for our usual Wednesday evening walk yesterday. As we were strolling we heard a voice yelling out to us from a car passing by.
It was a voice from the past, my ex-boyfriend. We dated for nearly 4 years and broke up when I was about 19 years old. I don't even really remember anymore what the breakup was about except that I felt that our lives were taking different directions. Whatever the reason, I am confident that it was the right decision.
He pulled over into a driveway to chat. It had been a few months since I'd seen him. He and his wife had twins in February. Such an exciting time! I expected his answer to my "How are you?" to be "GREAT!...tired but wonderful". But instead, I was met with a crushing, "Alright...but in the middle of a divorce..." Wow...I am in my glee about my wedding while yet ANOTHER marriage is ending!
The three of us chatted for about a half an hour. Time flies when you meet up with old friends. And I do consider him an old friend, being an "ex" doesn't make him the enemy.
He spoke very candidly about the difficulties he has been facing in his marriage. I told him (perhaps I am too honest) that I was not surprised at his admission. I had a bad feeling about this marriage from the start. Just some weird intuition. I had hoped that I was wrong. I really want this guy to be happy, he deserves it. And I thought that things must have been going okay, especially with the birth of the twins.
Christa and I reminded him that a marriage takes two, that maybe he could help out more with the babies, not work so much. Maybe she is going through post-partum (he insists that this is not the case because things had been difficult even before the pregnancy). It would be so easy to take his side of the story and run with it. I don't know his wife at all. But I refuse to make him the victim in this situation. I would love to say that's it all her fault, that's just not fair.
It was a sad conversation. Not at all the conversation that I was hoping for. I was eager for him to "light up" when talking about his babies and his first Fathers Day. Instead, a potentially sad ending to what could have been a beautiful marriage.
Last night and this morning have left me to ponder the meaning of this encounter. A sign? Yes, perhaps. But not a sign to deter me from my upcoming wedding. I am excited and reminded once again at the difficult dynamics of spending the rest of my life with one person. I know that it will be hard work, I know that every day has to be met head-on with a decision to try our hardest for each other, I know that it takes 100% effort. It's scary but I'm ready to move forward to a new beginning with Jamie. Ending before "death do us part" is not an option.
3 comments:
Makes me almost burst into tears. Sure I almost did that last night talking to him too. It is really sad that some marriages take that wrong turn.
I agree with you. "Till death do us part" is the only way a marriage should end. I decided before I got married that it was a once in a life time thing and I plan on working hard at making it work right to the end. I think some people give up too easily these days. But give him my best, I would love for him to be happy as well.
WHAT....first of all I didn't know he was married, second of all I didn't know he had TWINS. I only have a thing to say about this break up....those poor babies who will now have to grow up without their mother and father together. Don't ya think they knew something was up in their marriage BEFORE they got pregnant? I mean, I don't know any of the story....so I guess I should really keep my mouth shut!
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