Fall to Pieces

Over there -----> if you scroll down, you'll see a "Bring the Rain" button, a link to Angie Smith's blog. I love Angie's blog.

While Charlotte was having her nap, I was catching up and reading this post about Sweet Baby James.

I went on over to the "Jamesie beats the tumor" blog. And then I fell to pieces. Heart-wrenching, tears falling down my face, falling completely apart into a puddle of nose-running sobs.

As I was watching the video taken just a few days ago on little James' final photo/video shoot, I heard Charlotte crying out. Awake from her nap. I scurried down the hall, tears still flowing down my cheeks, reached down and scooped her up out of her crib, and hugged her so tightly. She didn't wiggle free, just let me fiercely hold on for a few blissful baby-mommy moments. And I cried some more. And I thanked God.

One thing that struck me, as I was reading about James, was his mom stating, as she was posting pictures, that she has only a finite number of photos to post - one day she will run out of photos. That simply broke my heart. Even though I don't know this family, I cried again for the loss - this Mommy will not see her baby crawl across the floor, pull everything out of the cupboards, and scream his little head off with delight.

And I talked to God about how I was so undeserving of such treasures as are found in children, but how thankful I am just the same. So, please join with me in keeping this family in your prayers as life has now dealt them a blow I cannot even fathom being able to survive through.

Miss Charlotte and her "Pinker" bear (she has discovered an obvious solution to carry bear around while using both hands to crawl - she puts it in her mouth!)

The City Harmonic

I seriously love music videos. Always have. I'm fascinated by the telling of an entire story in such a short amount of time. A music video is like seeing a movie in 3 minutes, 46 seconds (Well, this one is 4:25 but you catch my drift). To me, a video is to a movie as a postage stamp is to art. Tiny. Effective. Brilliant.

In the last few months, I've had to change my listening somewhat. Sarah is very musical. She picks up on everything. She has been able to hum a melody in tune for as long as I remember. She now recites lyrics from out of nowhere. I must be very careful. I love me some Lady GaGa as much as the next person but I'm needing to be extra cautious of what my children are hearing. Everything is so...so out-there! I never had to think of that before. Just listened. Enjoyed. Sang along. But I'm not so keen on hearing Avril Lavigne's "oh-o-o-o-o I'm thinking what the hell..." from my 4 year old.

So, with Sirius satellite, I've been able to tune in to "The Message" - a Christian radio station out of Michigan. It's a blessing. I'd prefer to have my child sing about God and love and family.

And let me tell you, Christian music isn't like it used to be. It's not just Sandi Patti and Michael W. Smith and hearing "Old Time Religion" on your Dad's old 8-track. It's praise, it's uplifting, it's happy. You can dance to it sometimes. Gasp! Don't let anyone know the Bible says there's "a time to dance".

Anyways, here's a fav of mine. Love it. "Manifesto" by The City Harmonic".

Trash the Dress

If you follow Christa Hann photography then you know:

Bobbi-Ann did it.
Stephanie did it.
Jody did it.

Christa even did it herself.
Except it was difficult for Christa to photograph herself so she enlisted Angie White Photography.

I loved the idea of getting one more chance to wear my wedding dress, even if it meant "trashing" it.
So when I suggested I take my dress along to the Dominican on our vacation, Christa said, something along the lines of, "Yay! Yes!"
I love how enthusiastic she is about taking pictures of me instead of being bored at looking at the same face over and over again but it's her fault I keep coming back, of course.

And then I'm thinking, "Oh Dear Lord, what have I done? I can't fit into that dress now!"
But, with some help and much sucking in, ribs cracking, boobs being stuffed back in, phew, it zipped up!

I'm very pleased with the results of my shoot and can't possibly choose my favs. But here's a few anyways.
Please excuse me as I shamelessly take every opportunity to show myself looking "put together" - I spend most of my days dressed in yoga pants, no makeup, hair in ponytail.

And then getting out of that dress with sand stuck in the zipper!!
Well, let's just say that was an adventure that started with three Germans on the beach and ended with Christa and I in the shower. I'll leave you with that. ;)
Thanks for looking.

When You Need to Dance, You Need to Dance.

While helping Sarah get dressed for bed tonight, she and I were talking about the rules and about being a big sister. I asked, "Are you going to teach Charlotte how to be a good listener?"

Sarah then proceeded to tell Charlotte the following "rules":

"You can't always play. Sometimes you have to eat breakfast.
"When you go outside and forget your sun cream, you have to come back in to get your sun cream.
"When you go to the store, you have to wear clothes.
"If you want corn for supper, Mommy will get your corn.
"When it's bedtime you need to put your clothes in the basket and Mommy will hang it on the line.
(I think she may be missing a step or two there)
"If you have a scrape, that's okay, Mommy will put a bandaid on you.
"When the battery gets dead, Mommy will get new batteries.
"You need to go off the carpet when you have juice.

and my favourite "rule":
"When you need to dance, you need to dance."

Not a bad list, I'd say.

Now

My Great-Aunt Julie was having excruciating headaches. She went to the doctor. She was diagnosed with cancer. Three weeks ago. Her funeral was today.

Too often in life we wait for the "special" moments to take out the camera. We capture memories of big events: first steps, vacations to Disney, graduations, marriages. We forget the in-between moments are what makes life, well, worth living.

Each day is a gift. Each day is one to be cherished. Now is the time.

That's what I thought as I took these shots of the kiddies at bedtime last night. They were playing on my bed. Just a regular night. Nothing "special" but absolutely everything.

"Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee." - Montaigne



Pro Baker in the Making

Sarah has been watching Grandma bake since she was a wee baby and has obviously picked up on some of the tricks of the trade.

As with most children her age, Sarah always wants to help around the kitchen: measuring, scooping, pouring, mixing. She loves kneeding dough, adding her own toppings to make pizza, rolling and cutting out cookies. Grandma is very patient with the big messes.

Lately Sarah has been making her own little concoctions without help. Often these are just a mess of God knows what in a bowl. However, a couple of months ago, at home, Sarah decided to mix up a bunch of things - first off, molasses and cocoa and raisins, and I immediately thought, "Ewww!" After it was all said and done, the mixture was cookie textured, so we rolled it into a ball, put it in one of the easy-bake pans, and baked it. And it was very yummy! Sarah ate the whole thing for her snack.

Two weeks ago at the bakery, Grandma found Sarah mixing up a huge bowl full of water and flour and a TON of cinnamon. We thought there was way too much cinnamon for the final product to turn out. Sarah added some sugar and apple chunks, and baked it in a round cake pan. It was a little heavy liked a baked pudding but still had delicious flavour.

Then last week, Sarah started mixing again. This time she had flour and baking powder, salt, molasses, water, an egg, and sugar as a base. She then decided to add coconut and chocolate chips. Keep in mind, the only help she had was with cracking the egg, nothing else was measured "properly" - Sarah was just going to all the different bins with her measuring spoons and cup and throwing in a bit of this, a bit of that. The resulting batter looking like cake so we baked it in a funnel pan. Wow! Delicious! So good, in fact, that all of the family enjoyed it for dessert with our dinner. And, because I love chocolate chips (no surprise there), I finished off the rest in the days following. Not one crumb left.

I'm a little worried Sarah might eventually come up with something of pure baking genius and we won't have the slightest idea of how to re-make it.

But, for now, I'm glad Sarah enjoys baking, and only hope she continues. Her grandma and great-aunties (who are also fantastic bakers) will be soooo proud!

Quick Peek for Lacey and Blair

I had the pleasure of photographing Lacey and Blair on their wedding day on April 23, 2011. I've finally given her the CD of images so now I'd like to share a few of my favs:
(For you editing gurus out there, my apologies, this was my first attempt at using lightroom)

Here's Lacey getting help with her dress from Maid of Honour, Inez

Blair was super nervous (and had to be reminded that he couldn't wear white socks...haha) but pulled it off quite nicely with this shot.
Lacey and her girls arriving at the church
Rings have been exchanged

Group shot on the front steps of the church

Now one of Lacey and the lobster pots

Someone asked me if I brought "backdrops" (What the...?) Who needs a fake backdrop when you have THIS gorgeous scenery!?!

The rings in the lobster pot. Poor little Maria had just bumped her head and wasn't feeling too good...but I think it's a great family shot regardless.

I had to keep reminding Blair to smile but the serious look goes over sometimes too, doesn't it?
Another great backdrop.

Probably my favourite of all...so sensual!

The cake...very nice!
Lacey and her step-dad dancing and having a fun moment together.
Kisses for Mama = So sweet!

Thanks Lacey and Blair for entrusting me to capture your memories. Wishing you many happy years ahead.

Enjoy!

Myrna

Great News!

If you've followed for a while (last year at this time I posted this) then you know about how we have to go to St. John's every year to take Sarah to the Janeway to see the pediatric urologist.

We left on Tuesday morning to drive in. It's such a long drive and a little more challenging this year with baby Charlotte in tow.

Wednesday morning was "doomsday" for Sarah. I always take the time, as recommended, to explain the procedures in advance to give Sarah time to process and understand. Nevertheless, she was still very nervous and scared. Her memory is very good and no amount of explaining can take that away.

The regular ultrasound went very well. A breeze. Last year, Sarah freaked out just laying down on the table, regardless of the fact that an ultrasound doesn't hurt a bit. This year, she was actually quite interested in seeing how that magic camera could see inside her body.

The VCUG was a different story. We were in the waiting room and Sarah's name was called. The nurse approached her and said, "Are you Sarah?" to which she replied, "No! I don't want to go down there." Poor thing thought that if she didn't admit to being "Sarah" then she wouldn't have to walk down that hall. We got to the xray department and Sarah immediately remembered the room and the big machine and started to cry. The xray technician was amazing and patient and let Sarah choose which colour gown she wanted, which stickers she wanted, etc. All was going well until Sarah saw a "boy" and she started freaking out again. She said she didn't want that boy to see her private parts. That boy was the doctor coming in to do the xray himself. Sarah was assured that he would not see anything, only the girl nurse would see her to insert the catheter, etc. All was ok again. Until it was time to inject the dye to fill the bladder. Sarah had to go pee. This is necessary to get the results to see the direction of the urine but Sarah couldn't understand why she was supposed to pee on the xray table and wanted desparately to go to the bathroom. Oh my! What a fiasco!

After all was said and done, the doctor said he couldn't see any major reflux and thought there was definite improvement. What exciting news! But we still had to wait for confirmation of those results from our pediatric urologist. The appointment was on Thursday afternoon. We had to wait. We said our prayers of thanks anyways.

On Thursday, with Dr. Akhtar - who made Sarah cry just by walking in the room, regardless of being told the tests were all done - we were given confirmation of the wonderful news. In previous years, Sarah's reflux had progressively gotten worse to a level 3-3.5. This year, it had improved to a level ONE! This means no more daily medication and a full TWO years before we have to go back to the Janeway to follow up.

When we went back to our apartment, Sarah immediately threw her medicine in the garbage. She was very excited about that part. And we thanked God for being able to fix little girls and their broken parts :)

Thank you to those of you who have kept us in your thoughts and prayers. We are very happy to be home.

Embarrassed

Last week I decided it was time to pull out the next size of baby clothes. Charlotte is growing so fast and I am constantly purging and sorting. I went to our storage area downstairs - TWO huge bins marked 9 - 18 months. I dragged them upstairs and began unpacking. I was overwhelmed by the amount of clothing, embarrassed even that my baby has so much.

I counted:

51 dresses (like, seriously, even my baby who attends church regularly doesn't need 51 dresses!)

33 pairs of pants

26 sleepers and pj sets

A laundry basket FULL of shoes

5 bathing suits

numerous sets (track suits, skirts with matching tops, etc)

20 sweaters and hoodies

and an uncounted pile of shorts and tanktops for summer!

These are, of course, all hand-me-downs from Sarah. And in my defense, I could literally count on both hands the items I purchased myself. The rest were hand-me-downs collected from our older nieces.

So much! My mother saw it all and shook her head.

And then a friends sister, was literally stuck among the forest fires in Slave Lake, Alberta. Her family, including their little girl, finally got out (Thank God!) but lost everything. That hit home and reconfirmed it all: these things mean nothing. Yes, we need some things. We obviously need clothes. But not even close to that much!

Embarrassed, I tell ya!

So I am packing up my favs and giving the rest away. Does anyone know someone specific who could use baby girl clothes (I have sizes from Newborn - 24 months)? I'm hoping to send little Chloe (the friends little niece in Alberta) the girl clothes she needs.

Have you been embarrassed by your material things lately? I think we need to be overwhelmed by it all sometimes to put things in perspective...don't you?

God Knows

On my not-so-confident days I look in the mirror and can pick myself apart top to bottom:

My hair is crazy;
My hairline is all over the place;
My eyebrows, despite plucking, waxing, threading, never shape properly;
My eyelashes are too blonde and, therefore, invisible without mascara;
My nose is too wide;
My eyes too small;
My upper lip too thin:
My skin is sagging on my jawline;
I have acne scars and enlarged pores;
And I have this ridiculous vertical wrinkle line on my forehead!

And that's just scratching the surface.

(nevermind the baby belly and stretch marks in unspeakable places).


But then on one of my confident days, comes along Christa behind the lens of her camera and captures me rocking it out, putting my best face forward, displaying my inner goddess, and comes up with this:



The flaws are all there, flashing blatantly, but I love them anyways. It's all I get. And I like to think God knew what he was doing when he put together all those misshapen puzzle pieces, better known as me. May as well get used to it and enjoy.

I think my girls, when they are older, will look at these photos and be astonished at how beautiful I was in my younger years. They will look in my eyes and know, behind the grey hair, wrinkles, and age-spots, that girl is still in there somewhere. And they will better appreciate me for it, knowing that I was, on occasion, someone besides their mom - I was also a woman!

Moms out there, take a day to yourself and have some shots taken. They can be risque boudoir or soft-spoken. Forget everything and keep telling yourself how amazing you are, how amazing you look. It'll show on the final image. You can go back to self-loathing later. But, do it anyways. Trust me, you'll thank yourself for it.


Photos courtesy of Christa Hann photography - you can view more at http://www.christa-hann.com/