Friday, January 29, 2010

The Secret is Out

I just can't keep it a secret any longer.

I tried. I thought maybe just maybe I'd be able to stay silent for a while longer.

Remember THIS post?

It seems once the decision is made, the decision is final...

I told someone that all Jamie really has to do is look at me funny for it to happen...I think that's what I'll tell Sarah when she's older and asks: The Daddy looks at the Mommy "funny" and VOILA!

7 weeks.
Very tired.
Don't-ya-dare-touch boobs
Occasional bouts of nausea
But otherwise, great!!

Looking forward to welcoming baby #2 sometime around the middle of September...wish us luck!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Help for Haiti

My friend Tara booked a Missions Trip to Haiti for December 2010. Booked it before the earthquake. She already had a passion to go. And now she's even more passionate about helping the people of that island nation that is in such dire need.

Tara is doing SEVERAL things in an effort to raise funds and buy food and supplies to accompany her Missions Team.

Find out out you can help by FOLLOWING TARA'S BLOG HERE!

Give a donation!
Buy a pair of $5 Earrings!
Sew a rice bag!
Buy the rice!

So proud of you Tara...I know your work is going to be richly blessed!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Sleep Therapy

Since Clayton died, it's hard to sleep.

It's not so much FALLING to sleep, it's when I am awakened in the middle of the night (by snoring hubster or thirsty child) that I can't seem to get BACK to sleep.

Often, when there's something on my mind, the best therapy for me is to get it down on paper. Journal. Scribble. Blog.

Or sometimes write a poem.

Here is my attempt at getting my Clayton-filled mind back to peaceful slumber.

Untitled (So I Can Sleep!)

I saw you last,
Tho’ it’s been years,
Leaning lazy on the fence,
Your fingers curled
around the wire
to watch your boys,
with interest, run
circles ‘round the field.

Your hand runs on
your stubbled head,
and I remember fondly
long dark hair,
the bluest eyes
gazing back beyond
the tears we shed
that night you left us here.

I hear you laugh,
that nasal sound,
infecting as the smile,
the charming grin,
and glint of secrets
laid beneath,
the lure of which
a girl could scarce resist.

The little ones,
they sense the love
and nearness of an easy soul,
of good and safe,
throw caution to the wind,
run to your arms,
tossed in the air
on wings of pure delight.

And now the world
seems silent void.
With empty arms and broken hearts.
Laughter stilled.
Sleepless nights.
Our memories run cold,
your warmth compared
to what our lives have lost.

-Myrna Hynes
January 17-18, 2010
In Memory of Clayton Coates

Friday, January 15, 2010

Back in Full Swing

I thought this time of year was going to be less busy. Boy, was I wrong? I've left home at 8am the last 2 mornings and arrived back home between 9:30 and 10:30pm!

I'm having serious guilt about not being home with Sarah more. She's so little and time goes by so quickly. On Wednesday I saw her for about 30 minutes maximum the entire day. Yesterday, I did have a couple of free hours in the afternoon so I picked her up early from the sitters and spent a little bit of time playing outside.

I need to change something. It seems I have gotten involved in too much. I own a business!, work at the town office, work as a temp at the post office, run the fitness group and scrapbooking class (which I love), sit on the committee for the VOBB (Voice of Bonne Bay) Radio station and the Tourism Sustainability Accord, teach Sunday school every few weeks, am booked for a teleconference for community gardening, have a fitness session being held for the family resource center, am helping set up meetings with a Climate Change Adaptation group who are studying our community, as well as training sessions for Council. can one adequately be a mommy with all of this going on?

And the thing is, I would love to do more...I'm in the process of writing up a proposal to get some financial assistance for seniors to be more involved in community activities linked to social participaction (games, exercising, etc)...and I am trying to figure out a "Youth Movie Day" where I could transform our town recreation building into a theatre for a day/weekend and host new releases, complete with popcorn and hotdog vendors, etc.

So, it's my own fault...I really want to be involved in my community. But I am seeing that, unfortunately, it's the same people over and over again who volunteer for things and then get burnt out from lack of help. I am already getting burnt out. I see now that I need to quickly re-prioritize and hold onto only the things I LOVE, and regretfully say "No" to the things I don't.

Ever felt this way? How did you get back on track to spend more time with your family and get your priorities straight?

I need a nap just thinking about it...

Monday, January 11, 2010

Loss - In Memory

I lost an old friend this past weekend.

A son. A brother. An uncle. A grandson.

Vicki called me on Friday night to tell me bad news. I knew from the tone of her voice something was wrong, but you always expect that it's a grandparent, someone older, who has passed, but not this! Clayton had been killed in a car accident!

And then the breath leaves your body and you must sit down.

I didn't even believe it for the longest time. Something like that can't be real. It's too sudden.

But yesterday I went to the church for visitation. Standing at his casket, noticing every detail of where makeup (ineffectively) covered the bruises on his face, his hands. And I sobbed and had to step away.

I stepped away to the display of photos . There was a cute one with him holding a spotted pink-earred elephant when he was only 2 or 3 years old, school pictures with that long hair we all remember, some from his brothers wedding, many with his parents and grandparents and friends.

And one picture of me. Standing next to him at his highschool graduation. And I remember he didn't speak to me that entire night. Barely spoke to me for weeks prior. We broke up and I started seeing someone else. He promised me he'd never speak to me again if I dated this person. But he still wanted me at his grad. I was so confused and heart-broken, even though the heartbreak was my own fault. Years later, when I saw him last, he still didn't speak to me. It hurts when I think of how our friendship ended way back then. But he was a person who held secrets dear and kept his promises.

So, there I was standing over his casket telling him how sorry I was, telling him goodbye, trying to remember the good moments - the times we would spend hours on the phone and mom would get mad at him for calling me so late, the school nights he hitch-hiked to my house and dad would tease him about being a "long-haired goomer", the little koala bear he gave me for Valentines Day (i still have it), the skidoo rides on his old "12" up to the church marsh, the first time my 15-year old heart fluttered with glee when he said he loved me and I was too nervous to say it back. Happy memories. Memories to last forever.

Memories that, for many, have been cut much too short.

It's been so very long, Clayton, but I miss you like it was just yesterday that we were young and sneaking out between classes at school to see each other. R.I.P. old friend.

Clayton Robert Coates
March 15th, 1976 to January 8th, 2010

Monday, January 04, 2010

Happy New Year!


I realized I have never been "out" to a New Years Eve party! (at least not that I recall.)

By "out", I mean a big shin-dig New Years "Ball" thingy at a club or banquet hall or bar.

I've been "out" to friends house parties, "out" downtown to watch the fireworks, but not "out" amongst a crowd of strangers counting down and drunkenly singing "Auld Lang Syne".
(...oh, and I lied, I'm recalling one right now but it's memorable only because of the very itchy sequined dress I was wearing!).

And I realize I'm perfectly fine with that. I'd so much rather be surrounded by my closest friends and family in a more intimate meaningful gathering than inhaling clouds of smoke (they're not allowed to do that anymore, are they?) in a bar full of people I hold no affiliation with.

This year Jamie, Sarah, and I spent New Years with our friends Jennifer, Chris, and baby Lucas in their home in Norris Point. We watched stupid tv, chatted, splurged on a iced-down pineapple cooler (ha!), chatted with family and friends on the phone, and Skyped with Christa at 12 o'clock!

That's me. I like it that way.

How about you? Are you an all-out party person? Or more of a homebody on New Years?

However you decided to greet the New Year, I hope it was a great one! All the best in 2010!