Jamie found out last night that a guy he used to play softball with committed suicide yesterday. Jamie's sister called to tell him. Thing is, Jamie and this guy weren't great friends or anything, teammates for a year, but it still really hits you hard when you think you kinda know someone, they seem so happy and friendly, like life is going fine....but you just never really know what's happening in the lives and minds of people (even your closest friends and family) behind closed doors.
Jamie's sister didn't really have many details. She did say they found him in his truck enclosed in the garage - we can sorta assume from that how it happened but I really have no idea for certain. He had two pictures with him: one of his little boy and another of his dog. Strange to me that the obvious two most important things in his life still weren't enough to make him want to hang onto this life. But yet he wanted them to know they were the last "things" he held onto in those final moments.
And at CHRISTMAS!! of all times of the year!! Perhaps that's a moot point to make - I'm sure it wouldn't be any easier for his family at any other time of the year.
FYI: I always thought that Christmas was one of the most popular times of the year for suicide but according to the Centre for Suicide Prevention, this is not true.
Upon hearing of suicide I always find myself searching for answers - why would someone do this? I just don't understand it. I just can't imagine getting to the point where I felt there was no other option. On the one hand, I'm so judgmental, I find the act selfish and cowardly. On the other hand, I'm so saddened by it and I don't want to be the person on the outside who's judging - I have no idea what this guy was going through, how deep his depression was, how hopeless he felt. In that way, I suppose my scrutiny is merely an act of ignorance. Ignorance is bliss in this particular case as I hope to never be faced with a situation in which I will find out first-hand how it feels to be this guy.
For this family, I ask you to pray - for peace, understanding, guidance, support, freedom from guilt. This truly has to be one of the most difficult things in life a family will ever have to face.
And if anyone out there is reading this and feel you need someone to talk to, feel you have no hope left, PLEASE know there is another way: